So this is a post that I have been trying to write but just have not had the courage or emotional strength to share for some time. It’s something so near and dear to my heart that I have tried to write it a few times now but just couldn’t get through it. I’m fighting back tears now as I type this now. Letting your guard down and being vulnerable is hard. But I feel it’s such an important message to share that I am doing my friends and family an injustice by not sharing my story.
This story is about my Dad.
My Dad, John S. Rebochak, was born May 12, 1949 in Windber, PA. He grew up on his family farm with his parents, two brothers and sister. Even from a young age, he was always extremely outgoing and funny. From what I was told, there was such a charisma about him that people just loved. He had a loving upbringing with two wonderful, supporting parents. He graduated High School and shortly thereafter the war in Vietnam started.
He was drafted into the Navy and was sent overseas to fight in the Vietnam War. He lived on Navy ships overseas and fought for our Country for 11 years. After the war ended, My Grandma told me that when he got back from Vietnam he was never the same. He suffered from severe PTSD and it created issues within his marriage with my mom. They ended up separating when I was younger due to his mental instability and my sister and I were raised in a divided household. We spent the school years with my mom and then spent the summers in PA with my father.
It wasn’t until I was about 9 years old that he started opening up to me about what he had gone through in Vietnam. I remember taking a trip to Washington, D.C. and visiting the Vietnam war memorial. I walked around it with my dad and when he found his troop and read through all of the names of his buddies that he had lost in Vietnam, he just burst into tears. That was the first time I ever saw my dad cry.
Then I remember he started getting sick. Our usual summers of fun and play consisted of taking frequent 2 hour trips to Pittsburgh, PA. During those car rides he would tell me about his experiences in Vietnam. When we would get to the Veteran Affairs Hospital he would see numerous doctors and always have multiple exams. I even remember watching him drink chalky drinks and would watch him go through CT scans and stand on the other side of the glass with the doctors.
Then in the Summer of 1997 he finally broke the news to me, he had been diagnosed with liver cancer. He told me it was “pretty bad” but he was on the waiting list for a new liver and was hopeful that he would find a donor. I, at the time, was so naive and would just constantly reassure him that he was going to find a donor, get a transplant and get better. I was always his biggest cheerleader.
The following summer of 1998 he told my mom that he was not feeling to well and that it may not be a good idea for my sister and I to visit that year. We all thought he needed to rest and gave him the space he asked for. Then on April 19th 1998 my mom woke us up and said she had the weirdest feeling, she told us that she “had to talk to our dad.” She called his home but he didn’t answer. She called my grandparents, but they didn’t answer. She then called the Veteran Affairs Hospital and asked if he was there and he was. She was transferred to his room and when the nurse answered the phone my mom asked “how is John doing?” the nurse replied “he just passed away an hour ago.”
Talk about a sixth sense huh? Or a coincidence. But regardless, I remember standing in my room with the door cracked and listening to my mom on the phone with my ear to the door. I heard her say “What? He just passed?” and I just fell to the floor. By the time she got to our room, she knew we had heard her and we all just sobbed together. We were so confused as to why he didn’t tell us. Later I found out that he became extremely thin, his skin turned orange from jaundice from liver failure and he did not want my sister and I to see him that sick. My grandmother told me at his funeral “he wanted you girls to remember him the way he always was; big, strong and happy.”
Losing a parent at 11 years old is heart breaking. It put a lot of strain on our family. My mother worked two jobs to support us and I was forced to pretty much teach myself everything. I know she did the best she could but she had to work a lot. So, I buried myself in books and sometimes feel like I had raise myself.
My love for learning led me to the medical field. And it wasn’t until I was sitting in my Biology of Cancer class that one day my teacher brought up cancer causing chemicals. He showed us all a slide from the Vietnam War and spoke about this chemical called Agent Orange that the military used to spray on the vegetation to kill the plants so that they could see the enemies hiding inside the fields.
Then my teacher went on to tell us that Agent Orange had a chemical in it called Dioxin which was a known carcinogen. And after hearing that, my heart completely sunk. All of a sudden I had flashbacks from 10 years prior to riding in the car with my dad on the way to the Pittsburgh VA Hospital and him telling me stories about this thing called Agent Orange. I didn’t know what it was at the time; thinking maybe Agent Orange was a person? I just remember him telling me that it was on the Navy ships, around him daily and that it was bad for him. This is a great article to read more about it – click here. For 11 years he was exposed to this chemical. And this chemical, killed him. He developed liver cancer from being exposed to Agent Orange, needed a liver transplant, was on the waiting list and never lived long enough to get one. Agent Orange robbed me of having more time with my Father and robbed my children of having a Grandfather.
My Dad was not there when I first got my drivers license, or when I graduated from High School, or when I got accepted into Physician Assistant School, or when I got married (one of the hardest days of my life) or when I had my sweet babies (even harder.) Not a day goes by where I don’t think about him.
And what’s even more crazy is that my baby boy Jude has my fathers eyes. Every day when I look at him I see my Dad and I am so grateful for that. It’s just unreal how God works and I wish he was here to be apart of our lives today. I feel like he would have been such a great Grandpa and every night when I tuck the kids into bed we say the same prayer my dad used to say to me and pray for our “Grandpa John in Heaven.”
My takeaway from all of this was that after I was able to educate myself about chemicals and how they can cause cancer, it really OPENED my eyes. From that point on I started to become more health conscious. I started buying more organic foods. I started buying greener home cleaning products. Then after I had children I fully embraced a healthy lifestyle because it wasn’t just about me anymore.
I don’t think most of us realize the every day chemicals lurking around in our home. From cleaning products, to personal care products and even the pesticides sprayed on our foods. We really need to make sure we are educating ourselves because ignorance is not always bliss.
And lastly, I found this photo on Pinterest and think it’s so important to share. Take a look for yourself to see the scary history of this company.
2 Comments
This made me cry!!
i love you!